KFC KITTY

ALTER EGOS, MURDEROUS CATS, and PLANES DRAWING PENISES.

Brother Justus joins us today so naturally cats become a conversation. He is not at all a cat person. He has raised many beautiful and well behaved dogs. On his first guest appearance on the God Awful Five Star Podcast, Episode 12: Cat Chute, Justus tells a great story about how he was piloting a small prop plane alone at night, a cat jumps on his shoulder, he freaks and throws the cat out the window at 10,000 feet. Spoiler Alert: There was a dead body in the plane! THIS IS A TRUE STORY.

The cat topic we cover in the news on this episode is not fatal to a cat, but a cat is considered a suspect in an attempted murder on a human. You can find the article here and read a description in the news section below.

Matt ate at a Jason's Deli. Taylem gets confused because, to him, the restaurant is set up like a CiCi's Pizza but you have to order up front. Then, Taylem walks past the prep line and regrets his food choice after seeing all the delicious ingredients he missed out on. Matt explains how Taylem is doing it wrong. Apparently you can grab a menu and walk around before you order. Who knew?

We continue to discuss how Taylem is slowly assembling his Hipster Santa costume to help his vendetta to add more cheer to the world this holiday season. The ongoing debate is: does Taylem dye his natural beard white or invest in a real Santa beard? Comment below or vote on our home page to weigh in. This leads to the discovery of a super legitimate group of F.O.R.B.S aka The Fraternal Order of Real Beard Santas. You can read about them here.

Justus almost hits the same Metro Bus 212 again. That makes two close calls in two weeks. With the same bus. He contemplates whether his hybrid could make it through soft accordion middle of the bus going 80. Justus swerves, its a close call, and in adrenaline filled slow motion he makes eye contact with the driver and they lock eyes thinking the same thing: "It's that same guy again." The story is good enough but Justus then brings up the Jurassic Park bus and Matt does not remember it being an accordion. We look it up and with another blessing from the internet find that someone has purchased the last remaining bus from the movie and is refurbishing it. Check out their Facebook page for more about this awesome project!

Jurassic Park : The Lost World RV Restoration Team

Hat Tapics

If you had an alter ego what would be his name and job?

Matt:

Steve NoJobs hangs out in front his computer all day drinking beer watching YouTube. Steve only sees the sun when he leaves to go get more beer. Also Steve is rich.

Justus:

Sophomore year Justus wrote a letter where he had to state what he would be doing at the end of the year: Drug running from Cuba to Florida in a sweet cigar boat with hey gurls and a pile of cash. Also when he goes to the golf course Justus goes by Lucas because people can never get his name right.

Taylem:

Many homeless around Houston already know Taylem as Mike. The wisdom being Taylem is a hard name to get across to a passerby and when would you ever seem them again? Well this has turned into a five year relationship with a few bums that still say "hey mike, can I get a cigarette?"

So in summary, our God Awful Alter Egos are a rich alcoholic, a drug runner and a homeless man. Five Stars.

Would you run over a possibly pet snake in the road?

A guy in Florida ran over an anaconda... several times. Turned out to be someone's pet. The hosts agree that they would not run it over. Taylem does not like snakes and even he said no. His approach is to follow the snake, warn the neighbors and try to befriend the snake and understand it, thus becoming less fearful. Matt wants the snake to stay loose to eat one of the children that go to the schools around the Darnell House where this podcast is produced.

What animal would you not eat?

Matt, Taylem and Justus are horrible people. They go straight to debating whether or not they would eat human. Its a pretty even split of yes and no in the room. Matt recalls walking outside with his girlfriend and smelled a delicious smell in the air, like smokey fresh barbecue. She points out that its the animal shelter cremating the dead pets. Matt remains hungry after the news and decides he would eat dog and cat but they would have to be together... like in a gumbo. Justus has eaten raccoon. He was told it was shot, not road kill. Still weird. Snakes, yes. Horse, yes. Gerbil? maybe. Rats and mice, no... Unless it was in a burger like in Demolition Man.