It gets a little heavy in this one guys. For the first time Taylem tried to make some content for our humble podcast. Thank You Black Panther is a satirical look at Black Panther with out any spoilers. Spoiler Alert: it may be more offensive than funny to you. If this is the case maybe we should take a break from each other for a while because this is not working out. Later Andrew and Matt join for a game of What's In My Mouth: Wakandy Edition. Enjoy! Like and subsicribe!
God Awful men edition. Andrew joins for our first Hello! Report about Matt's Hello Fresh meal plan experience. The hosts take a detour and attempt to hash out a new theme song. Spoiler alert: it sounds like all the others on the show. We really need to hire a producer... Space X, riddles, and nostalgia all in todays episode. Enjoy!
Yippee! The Super Bowl happened. Surprisingly Matt had some things to say. Tim, Victoria and Andrew join us for this one guys. Mattchew is on day one of his new meal plan to cleanse his body and its going well! We play another round of Whats In My Mouth, team edition. Will Taylem and Andrew defeat Tim and Matt? Find out what god awful five star food Victoria shoves in our mouths. Enjoy!
Australia. Another week, another episode! We Australia talk about our international listeners and which host can pull in the next country. Australia. Tim and Victoria join us after spending the weekend judging robots. They were harsh. One robot cried, but that wasn't what it was designed to do so they took off points. Damn. Australia. Matt was human trafficker for a day and Taylem invents another useless god awful device. Enjoy! Australia! Australia! Australia!
It is a bright big world out there and The God Awful Team went exploring. Today we play a new game: What's In My Mouth? Matt and Victoria go against each other red vs. blue style. Our brave hosts race to be the first to correctly say the name of the food that is in their mouth... while blindfolded. There is a healthy spoonful of chewing and dead air in this one. Five stars!
The Ig Nobel Prizes were announced which means it is time for Taylem's favorite episode of the year! This year's winners include crazy science by way of feeding vampire bats human blood, whether cats can be a solid and a liquid, if holding a gator makes one a better gambler and more. Enjoy! Submit some Hat Tapics at www.godawfulnetwork.com and be a part of the show!
Happy 2018 everybody! Ike joins us for our final round of Matt's Cards Against Humanity prize pool. We discuss morning wood, autism as evolution and real life vs. video games in our first Hat Tapics of the new year. Listen for the easter egg of Ike eating Chimichangas. As always, enjoy another God Awful Five Star episode.
Yeah! What a wonderful episode we have for you today! Andrew stops by for some news and Hat Tapics. Stay tuned through the end for a special Christmas surprise. (Santa stops by) Merry Christmas, Happy Holidays and thank you for the gift of your ears this past year. More exciting God Awful things headed your way!
Hat Tapics
You submit then. We talk about them.
The News
Weird. Wacky. God Awful.
24 year old embryo born to 26 year old mother.
Read more here.
Man loses virginity to alien.
Read more here.
Eminem opens pop up restaurant "Mom's Spaghgetti"
Read more here.
Andrew joins us today for another round of Hat Tapics. Matt rants about college students not using crosswalks and being oblivious to his quiet hybrid car. The hosts contemplate thinning the herd and the consequences of vehicular accidents. Matt also gets more gifts from Cards Against Humanity. Listen, like and share. The link to submit your own Hat Tapic is below this post. Keep it God Awful Five Stars everybody.
PEDESTRIAN POUT
Crosswalks, giant cockroaches & micro-dosing along this boulevard of broken dreams.
Psychedelics, Terence Mckenna, Micro-dosing
Shoutout: Elviis Incognito
1 silver back gorilla vs 3 JOHN CENA's
Shoutout: I_eat_ass
How soon is too soon to masturbate to a dead porn star? August Ames died
Shoutout: Mrs Bean
The best 90s afternoon cartoon.
Shoutout: Andrew from Slicks
TAPIC TAKEOFF
We did it! The God Awful Five Star Podcast has reached drinking age with 21 episodes. Thank you all for your interactions and feedback helping us evolve. To celebrate the anniversary of our first episode we have dedicated this very special episode to answering your Hat Tapics, The comments are open at the bottom of this post for this episode on our SHOW FEED PAGE. Please comment if we missed the point or got anything wrong with your submissions. Links to submit your own Hat Tapics are at the bottom of the page. Enjoy!
HAT TAPICS
Juliana McCarthy
Astrology
Whats your Tapic?: Astrology
Do you believe a person's Astrological sign says anything about them?
Which signs do you hate? Or love?
Are you attracted to a particular signs' energy more than others?
http://www.etherealculture.com
MRMIYAGI21
Missing the urinal...
"A wise man washes his hands after he pees,
an even wiser man does not pee on his hands."
DISCUSS WHY YU NO HAVE GOOD AIM IN BAFROOM?!
@BrokeOffPunk
Album Release Parties
Whats your Tapic?: -Album Release Parties-
With the Internet making any song or album easily accessible, making money through music is harder than it was before, even if the product is good.
Along with taking Pre-orders online, Bands and Artists are also starting to write songs specifically for Digital Download (Think Itunes, Spotify, & SoundCloud Exclusives) and vice versa when it comes to CD-Only Tracks.
Sometimes even these incentives don't reel in possible consumers, so Musicians like to throw Album Release Parties to get fans directly involved. Only problem is these parties tend to be quite bland and a lot less organized than they used to be. Sometimes Bands will perform a high-energy set of their brand new material from front to back, while other times they just get a DJ to play their new record at a venue while everybody drinks and pretends to be interested.
What are we missing? Flamethrowers? Strippers? Kiddie Pools filled with Pasta??
'Tapic' of Discussion: How can Artists put the 'Party' back into Album Release Party?
Dr. Carl Winslow (no relation)
Next trending media platform
"GUS" Gustafer
Flat Earth. True? Or NonFiction?
JasonStevens11
Zombie Apocalypse Plans
Juicy J
Games you love/miss as a kid.
KFC KITTY
ALTER EGOS, MURDEROUS CATS, and PLANES DRAWING PENISES.
Brother Justus joins us today so naturally cats become a conversation. He is not at all a cat person. He has raised many beautiful and well behaved dogs. On his first guest appearance on the God Awful Five Star Podcast, Episode 12: Cat Chute, Justus tells a great story about how he was piloting a small prop plane alone at night, a cat jumps on his shoulder, he freaks and throws the cat out the window at 10,000 feet. Spoiler Alert: There was a dead body in the plane! THIS IS A TRUE STORY.
The cat topic we cover in the news on this episode is not fatal to a cat, but a cat is considered a suspect in an attempted murder on a human. You can find the article here and read a description in the news section below.
Matt ate at a Jason's Deli. Taylem gets confused because, to him, the restaurant is set up like a CiCi's Pizza but you have to order up front. Then, Taylem walks past the prep line and regrets his food choice after seeing all the delicious ingredients he missed out on. Matt explains how Taylem is doing it wrong. Apparently you can grab a menu and walk around before you order. Who knew?
We continue to discuss how Taylem is slowly assembling his Hipster Santa costume to help his vendetta to add more cheer to the world this holiday season. The ongoing debate is: does Taylem dye his natural beard white or invest in a real Santa beard? Comment below or vote on our home page to weigh in. This leads to the discovery of a super legitimate group of F.O.R.B.S aka The Fraternal Order of Real Beard Santas. You can read about them here.
Justus almost hits the same Metro Bus 212 again. That makes two close calls in two weeks. With the same bus. He contemplates whether his hybrid could make it through soft accordion middle of the bus going 80. Justus swerves, its a close call, and in adrenaline filled slow motion he makes eye contact with the driver and they lock eyes thinking the same thing: "It's that same guy again." The story is good enough but Justus then brings up the Jurassic Park bus and Matt does not remember it being an accordion. We look it up and with another blessing from the internet find that someone has purchased the last remaining bus from the movie and is refurbishing it. Check out their Facebook page for more about this awesome project!
Hat Tapics
If you had an alter ego what would be his name and job?
Matt:
Steve NoJobs hangs out in front his computer all day drinking beer watching YouTube. Steve only sees the sun when he leaves to go get more beer. Also Steve is rich.
Justus:
Sophomore year Justus wrote a letter where he had to state what he would be doing at the end of the year: Drug running from Cuba to Florida in a sweet cigar boat with hey gurls and a pile of cash. Also when he goes to the golf course Justus goes by Lucas because people can never get his name right.
Taylem:
Many homeless around Houston already know Taylem as Mike. The wisdom being Taylem is a hard name to get across to a passerby and when would you ever seem them again? Well this has turned into a five year relationship with a few bums that still say "hey mike, can I get a cigarette?"
So in summary, our God Awful Alter Egos are a rich alcoholic, a drug runner and a homeless man. Five Stars.
Would you run over a possibly pet snake in the road?
A guy in Florida ran over an anaconda... several times. Turned out to be someone's pet. The hosts agree that they would not run it over. Taylem does not like snakes and even he said no. His approach is to follow the snake, warn the neighbors and try to befriend the snake and understand it, thus becoming less fearful. Matt wants the snake to stay loose to eat one of the children that go to the schools around the Darnell House where this podcast is produced.
What animal would you not eat?
Matt, Taylem and Justus are horrible people. They go straight to debating whether or not they would eat human. Its a pretty even split of yes and no in the room. Matt recalls walking outside with his girlfriend and smelled a delicious smell in the air, like smokey fresh barbecue. She points out that its the animal shelter cremating the dead pets. Matt remains hungry after the news and decides he would eat dog and cat but they would have to be together... like in a gumbo. Justus has eaten raccoon. He was told it was shot, not road kill. Still weird. Snakes, yes. Horse, yes. Gerbil? maybe. Rats and mice, no... Unless it was in a burger like in Demolition Man.
Celebrity Crushes
Matt:
Numero Uno Salma Hayek, Drew Barrymore (Most people's number 2), and Christy Carlson Romano, the girl from Even Stevens.
Justus:
Down to party Katy Perry, Olivia Wilde because damn, that bone structure.
Taylem:
Classic for a reason Angelina Jolie, Lacey Chabert because of how she talks and how her mouth move.
The God Awful News
If this all is weird enough for you give kfc kitty a listen!
Thank you for your ears! Like, Subscribe, Rate and Review and don't forget to submit a Hat Tapic on our home page!
Submit a Hat Tapic by clicking below.
HAPPY THANKSGIVING from the God Awful Team! Andrew joins us today as we talk turkey. Ugh. The puns get much worse on this episode. Matt experiences some voyeurism in his Uber life and we try to agree on what exactly happened on the first Thanksgiving. Enjoy!
Brother Justus returns for a very special Brolo episode. We talk hybrid cars, Dino DNA and this thing called a Homunculus? It is basically human semen inserted into a unfertilized chicken egg... and well life will find a way... And get smashed by a book. We also tune in while the Astros win the World Series. Like, share and subscribe!
Matt got a reporters number! Hay Gurl! She's pretty and texted back in the wee hours of the morning. Also our house was turned into a legitimate crime scene. These two facts are unrelated I promise. Tune in to find out the full story. We discuss bio sensor tattoos and a car that calls in and snitched on its driver after a hit in run in todays news. Enjoy!
A scary robotic wolf haunts to the east. What is it for? A simple task for sure. One might consider the technology behind it overkill. Tune in and decide for yourself. We talk selfies, hurricanes and eclipses on today's God Awful episode.
Today we talk about the movie ideas that we have always wanted to make, our favorite stereotypes and discuss some stupid people doing stupid things to get famous.
Matt almost killed a guy, for reasons you'd expect. Road rage. Plot twist! It was against a skateboarder! This is a long one friends. We talk olympics, wii sports, and The Great White vs. The Great Gold finally happened. Were we correct in our predictions? No... but also maybe?
A dog for a mayor? Seven degrees of Kevin Bacon? OH BOY! Tim and Victoria join this one guys.
Oh boy The G. A. P. is back! We took some time off. Our hosts Matt and Taylem were too busy growing a year older but they bring all that wisdom and experience into todays episode. We talk fidget spinners, fortune cookies and Uber tips. Hat Topics features movie remakes, and super powers and Victoria joins us for the news.
This one is for you TimToria. Thank you for your dedication and I hope you find some laughs while you fight the fight. This will be removed quickly, but for now enjoy and thank you for your ears! This one gets weird. Starring my brother Justus. What else do you expect from the God Awful Podcast?